The Secret to Keeping a Man: Forget the Future, Enjoy the Present

You ever start dating a guy and immediately, you’re walking on eggshells?

It’s not that he’s a bad guy or that he’s being inconsistent with you.

It’s just that, for the first time in a long time, you’re EXCITED about a man.

And because this feeling occurs so infrequently, it’s really got you in a tailspin.

Even though you like your new guy as much as anyone in recent memory, even though things have been nothing short of perfect for these first two weeks, you feel a pit of dread in your stomach.

“What’s going to go wrong here?”
“When is the other shoe going to drop?”
“I hope he’s serious about a long-term relationship.”

And, most of all:

“I don’t want to waste my time on the wrong man ever again.”

Hey, I don’t blame you for a second for feeling all of those things. No woman over the age of 20 should assume that every man is solid, stable, and relationship-oriented. Naturally, you want to minimize your chances of getting hurt.

But what is the RESULT of this fearful, walking-on-eggshells mindset?

You start to obsess when he doesn’t call.

You ask your friends what it “means” when he says, “I’ll see you later.”
You tense up. You lose sleep. You become uptight.

You want to be loved SO badly, but you’re SO afraid of getting hurt that you’ve turned yourself into a shell of your best self.

Don’t believe me?

Are you more attractive when you’re confident and loose or insecure and uptight?

Are you more attractive when you assume your man adores you or when you live in fear that he might bail like all the rest?

Are you more attractive when you’re focused on enjoying the present or obsessing about what might happen in the future?

I think the answer’s obvious.

Living in the present is the most effective way to make a man fall in love with you.

This is a core principle about men that I discuss in by book, “Why He Disappeared”. Its power comes from its simplicity: “Men do what they want to do.”

If we want to call you, we’ll call you.

If we want to introduce you to our family, we’ll introduce you to our family.

If we want to take down our profiles and commit, we’ll do it.

Which is why, when you want to know what you should do about the guy who makes you weak in the knees, the answer couldn’t be more simple: NOTHING!!!

“Doing something” means you’re trying to keep your emotional tether alive, to nudge him into calling you, seeing you, committing to you.
But the great thing about men is this: We don’t need to be nudged!

So when it’s been 10 hours and you haven’t gotten a reply to his text, you let it go.

When it’s Thursday night and he hasn’t called to see you on Saturday, you let it go.

It’s three weeks into dating and his profile’s up, you let it go.

Why? Wouldn’t it make more sense to call him, text him, and see him so he doesn’t lose interest in you?

Nope.

"Nudging" a man to take action only lets him know that he’s in control, you’re desperate and needy, and that you don’t trust that he knows what’s good for him.

The truth is, if you’re the right woman for him, you don’t NEED to nudge him.

Remember what it’s like when a guy’s excited about you?

He calls, he follows through, he’s thoughtful, he’s chivalrous, he’s gentlemanly, he WANTS a commitment with you.

But sometimes it takes a few weeks for us to figure all of that out for ourselves.

Remember, men like to “buy”. We don’t want to be “sold”.

Anything you do to amp up the pressure for him to make a decision is just going to drive him away – the exact OPPOSITE reaction you want from your man.

But that leaves you with the same burning question: “what should I DO, Evan?”

The answer couldn’t be simpler:

Make your PRESENT so amazing that he WANTS to have a FUTURE with you.

It’s not about finding out in week 1 whether he wants to live in the city or the country, or hoping he says “I love you” by week 4.

Those are things you’ll deal with later.

For now, just have fun.

Laugh. Say yes. Be easygoing. Smile. Fool around. Enjoy the moment.
You never have more leverage over a man than when he’s CHOSEN you on his own accord, when he’s EMOTIONALLY INVESTED in you because he FEELS so happy every time he’s around you.

And if he’s receiving texts that say, “Where are you?!” or late night calls that plead, “Where is this going?”, you’re not making him feel too good in the present.

My wife was ALWAYS in the present and that’s why she’s my wife. Because she enhances my life and doesn’t provide emotional drama when it’s unnecessary.

Since your man CAN’T know after a few weeks whether you’re “the one”, just relax and enjoy the ride. The RIGHT guy steps up to the plate and commits to you in the first couple of months. The WRONG guy never escalates his efforts and keeps you as a once-a-week option indefinitely.

Why?

Because that’s what he WANTS to do.

Thus, it’s really easy to tell the difference between a man who’s serious and a man who’s wasting your time, so you don’t invest more than 8 weeks in a dead-end relationship.

But in order to get ANY relationship off the ground, you HAVE to put off all fears, all nudging, and all thoughts of your future and just ENJOY the present.

The right guy knows what to do next. I promise.

If that powerful bit of advice makes sense but you find it hard to implement, I highly recommend that you check out my book, “Why He Disappeared: The Smart, Strong, Successful Woman’s Guide to Understanding Men and Keeping the Right One Hooked Forever”.

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/cmd.php?af=1450163

Soon, you’ll be able to distinguish good men from bad men, see what you’ve been doing wrong your entire life, and have all the tools to create the kind of relationship you’ve always dreamed about.

Click here to learn more:

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/cmd.php?af=1450163

Relationships thru Social Media, Been There , Done It, Love the T-Shirt!!!

New relationships and to start them... Feeling out of touch, not knowing what to do or really how to go about it... That is the way I felt when I got separated and divorced after 20 years of being married and now finding myself out there thinking about dating and starting over from a relationship stand point. Totally clueless, I felt so out of place, thinking back to the old days how I met women... I am looking at going to bars, bars and more bars...

Not my scene anymore...

I am a dad of two teenagers, the last few years of my marriage the only true family aspects was doing everything with the kids, school, sports, girl scouts and church youth group.. So how do you mix being a full time dad, a job and trying to find a new relationship, here in the 21st century... Scratching my head, tired of hanging out alone at home, a buddy of mine was telling me about this web site he joined and was reconnecting with old school mates from high school and college, something called Face Book and that I need to sign up. I thought he was crazy, why would I want to sit online and chat with people.. This comes from the guy that thought computers in the 70's were just a fad and would die out like the 8 track player, back in the day..

Well my bud kept pressing me about this face book thing until I finally caved in to get him off my back, I went to facebook.com and signed up. Just to show him he was crazy, well I was delightfully mistaken and he was right on the money.. Literally within minutes of signing up, two old classmates from high school, that back in the day of long hair and disco were close friends of mine but hadn't talked to since the mid to late 70's, friend requested me on Face Book.. Way cool..

Within a few short days I had 40 plus friends on Face Book, my social life had gone from non existent to busy with my computer and online chats. Granted the face to face aspects of friendships and relationships wasn't there yet, but the feeling of being alone had gone away and I was starting to feel whole again..

After the first week a old prom date of mine from the ancient year of 1978, friend requested me, she said she had been reading my posts, couldn't believe it was me and wanted to reconnect. She was divorced a few years earlier and lived a few hundred miles away, but with face book and this wonderful thing, the computer, we were able to talk all the time, along with this thing called a cell phone and texting, she and I would communicate all throughout the day...

Good ole Face Book..

It seems I had always been some what of a Romantic and I started writing on face book and texting to my friend, talking about romantic moments and things I see and enjoy, like sunsets... Just being me, after a few weeks my friend, my old prom date, texted me one day and said why don't you come down to her place for a weekend and we could go out and have fun, see some old friends and see if there was something with us from the 70's that could be rekindled today...

Lord in the 21st century women asking men out, way cool, what a fantastic concept!!!!!

I did venture south for a weekend and then was going down every other weekend, a relationship had been born.. I lived through my divorce and had found out there was life after divorce, relationships were out there, with out bars, all thanks to what is called social media, face book, twitter and cell phone texting, without these I am not sure where I would be today, 3 years later I am in a wonderful relationship completely spawned by social media, face book imparticular... But that is another post for another day..

One constant in using social media was I was always myself, never pretending to be anyone other than who I was, the good, the bad, the indifferent, my romantic side helped touch the Venus side of things and I had and have literally 2300 women as friends on face book. I don't date around, not in my make-up so to speak, I love the relationship I am in, but if ever in need of a women's point of view, or just wanting to converse with someone of the Venus side of life, I do have plenty to choose from... And guys that is a wonderful thing... Just sayin..

Well thanks for stopping by, going to wrap this post up for now... Stop by again soon, more updates to come... Please share my blog with others, face book, twitter and Google + buttons to the right, along with my RSS feed you can subscribe to..

Have a great day and if you are ever in need of a smile, just look towards your bud on the lake they call Ackerson, I will always have them there waiting for you...


Peace Y'all

Music Can Touch the Heart and Create a Spark

One of the quickest ways I know to grab the attention of a woman on Face book or Twitter is to jump on Youtube.com and search up a romantic song and either place it on my wall or if I have someone specific in mind, on theirs, if you want to be just between you and the intended, send it in a Face book message and also the same with Twitter... Add a quick note about this song reminding you of them and there you go... You might not see them, but a smile is being directed in your direction, 99.9% of the time...

Music can be such a ice breaker, it can set the mood, show what you are feeling... Its a deja vu, a song bringing back memories of days gone by or moments in your life and how the song, the lyrics touched you in some way... Conveying what you are feeling toward someone, a event or a place in time..

I am in my early 50's, my high school days, the mid 70's... Going back and grabbing music from my teen days, breaks the ice so to speak with others from my day, dialog started with memories from back in the day and next thing common ground is found and friendship has been spawned... There have been so many people I truly never knew or conversed with that with a simple song on my face book wall has started friendships and more, passing along stories of concerts attended and craziness done back in your youth... Tons of fun working with music on your wall...

You Tube has everything you can imagine, you can search via group or artist, song title and even lyrics, for those like me that the memory is the first to go and I can never remember the title or the group, yet lyrics have made it through the haze of time... You can still find what you are looking for, there is also category listings, R&B, Heavy Metal, Rap, Country, Gospel, Punk, ect... Get the idea... Get the song and share....

New friends will be on the way and relationships can find common ground in musical taste, and you just being you in describing what the music means to you or memories... Common ground opens communication and grows relationships from acquaintances to much more...

Hope you have been able to glean some helpful material here, please share on your face book, Google +, and Twitter... Comments, constructive of course, are always encouraged...

You want to share your thoughts, and experiences, insight and wisdom, be a guest blogger here... Just contact me and send the post you want up and I will go over it to make sure it fits my vision of what I want on and it will be posted... More perspective the better in the bridging of Venus/Mars...

Thanks for visiting, hope you stop by again, sign up for our RSS feed and get noticed when new posts are placed... Send me ideas on what you would like to know about in concern with Relationships on Social Media...

Have a great day... Smiles always sent your way from your bud on the southern shores of the Lake they call Ackerson...


Peace Y'all